Often when I am asked about team development, the general idea is that some informal and fun activities typically enjoyed by groups of friends can be attributed to colleagues and labelled “team bonding”. Of course many things can be learnt by a team in such a situation, and I am a strong advocate of learning and development being fun and enjoyable to be most effective. Despite these truths, team development is so much more than enjoying a field trip from the day-to-day monotony of workplace routine.
The biggest surprise for many people is my response that working well in a team begins with focusing on oneself. Too often I see groups of colleagues who recognize what they believe to be the issue in their dysfunctional team and begin to play the “blame game”, shifting the focus of the problem from one part of the group to another, pointing out the flaws of the others and explaining why the others’ behaviours are hindering the group. I believe it is so important to begin helping a team through their difficult time by focusing on themselves.
The method to my madness is simple. I once heard the analogy of a romantic relationship being similar to two people with cups of water. If each person in the relationship expects the other person to fill their cup for them, they will constantly be in a cycle of pouring water back and forth, neither being fully happy as they will never have a full cup for long, and when they do have a full cup, their partner is miserable with a completely empty one! The idea behind the analogy is of course that a successful relationship require individuals to fill their own cups and then be mutually happy, enjoying two full cups of water together.
In a romantic setting, this speaks to the responsibility of each individual in the relationship to care for and love themselves before expecting to do so for someone else, at least in an effective and long-term basis. In a business setting it is the same. If individuals are unable to be familiar with their own strengths and weaknesses, communication styles, conflict resolution preferences, pet peeves, values, and so on and so forth, how could they ever effectively be able to understand those of someone else on their team and come to work efficiently, successfully, and smoothly with them?
I believe myself to be quite good at self-reflection. I often revisit conversations and interactions I’ve had with others and often I find myself conversing within my own head about why I’ve acted certain ways or thought certain thoughts. In doing this, I’ve developed what I hope is a healthy balance of personal criticism as well as confidence. I have a good understanding of what I can do well, and when I should best ask another for help. This reflection and honesty with oneself is something I strive to help others find through my training and my coaching so that each individual is able to understand themselves from multiple perspectives. This opening of ones’ eyes enables participants to take the leap and understand how they appear to others as well, generally being more open to accepting that problematic team relationships is not solely one-sided.
Despite the common English saying that there is no “I” in T-E-A-M, I beg to differ, as we are all first and foremost individuals. What makes us so successful as a species is our ability to create complex social relationships with other human beings, thus accomplishing more as a team than as a single unit. We often achieve more in groups, but all team are made up of many separate parts working together as a whole. As such, this should be the first focus of any team development. Take a moment and reflect on your own ability to reflect. How honest are you when you analyse yourself? Are you a fair judge of your strengths and weaknesses? Or are you too tough? Too soft? Think about it and feel free to share your thoughts below.
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